Because breasts deserve a lover’s undivided attention
Breasts long to be touched. They weren’t just designed for someone else’s pleasure. They exist to be pleased, too. As an infant longs to drink from them or a lover longs to nibble at them, they long for their own skin-to-skin nurturing.
I became aware of this in my mid-teens, when my sexual curiosity and desire often centered not just on feelings of arousal that I felt in my pelvic region, but on a deep, deep longing to have my breasts touched. It was one of the first things I learned to wordlessly ask my first boyfriend to do (I was far too shy to straight up say, “Could you suck on my nipples, please?”).
And later, it became the first thing I did with a new lover, once we got into the deep kissing stage — I would put his hand on my breast and let him go for it.
Incredible as it might sound, I think having a lover stroke my breasts and play with my nipples is my absolute favorite part of sex. For me, the pleasure and emotional depth of the act are perhaps even more satisfying to me than an orgasm.
On that note, and on a new moon, which is all about rest and nourishment, I wanted to share what I would consider the ultimate breast massage — one both clinical and sexual.
So whip out a little coconut or sunflower oil (don’t add essential oils or use traditional breast massage oil blends for this one because you’re going to want to use your mouth, and your tastebuds likely will not enjoy a hit of, say, lavender essential oil), and let’s get to it.
It’s all about the attitude
There’s something important here that I want to point out before we begin. The success of this massage hinges, in my opinion, on the way it’s given. It’s important not to think of this as foreplay, for instance (and I don’t even believe in “foreplay,” anyways — the warm-up is part of the sexual act, not something separate). You don’t want to perform this massage as a method for warming up your lover for sex.
You have to come into this with the attitude that the massage is the focus. Your lover’s breasts are the focus. This isn’t about sex or about what you’ll get from it later or about preparing her for a secondary activity.
This is about pouring love (or loving energy, if you aren’t in a relationship with this person) into your lover’s body. It’s about enriching her physical health, helping her relax, and, yes, giving her breasts what they so desperately want — touch.
The clinical side
There’s a reason why I think it’s important to balance the clinical with the sexual in this massage. Women carry a lot of emotion in their breasts. Not just love, but heartbreak, unmet needs, trauma, and other intense emotions.
Because there is a lot of shame around female sexuality, it can be difficult for some women to physically engage with this part of the body. Many women don’t touch their own breasts except for self-exams (which often are taught in a way that is less about self-care and more about the fear of getting cancer), and many have a hard time letting their partners touch and engage with their breasts.
In light of this, it is important to be able to approach this from a somewhat clinical perspective to help your partner remove any barriers to receiving this touch, and also to remain in the mindset that you are doing something emotionally and physically important for your partner — and that you want to do it well.
Just remember that your partner might experience emotional release during this process. Don’t be afraid of that and simply ask what your partner needs as those emotions arise.
Start with simple moves
Just because my version of the breast massage blends the clinical and sexual doesn’t mean you have to learn advanced female anatomy or master a clinical breast massage in order to do it right. In fact, the best thing you can do is to just start out with the simplest of movements.
While your lover is lying on her back, begin with the surrounding areas. Move your hands in gentle up and down or side-to-side motions beneath the breast, between them, and along the side of the ribcage (you might have to move her breasts out of the way for that one — some of us have boobs that move off to the sides when we are lying on our backs).
Then move to sit above her head and work on her pectoral muscles. Press your fingers between her breasts, then move them outward, in a V shape all the way to her armpits. Knead this area, both the upper chest and upper breast tissue. Do some work in the armpit, as well, to help move that lymphatic fluid.
Check out this video at 17:35 for a great sequence of pectoral manipulations and lymphatic work:
Once you have done that, you can add other moves, like gently moving the breasts up and down or side to side, in clockwise and counterclockwise circles, or run your fingers, with light pressure, from upper chest to nipple, from side of chest to nipple, from base of breast to nipple, and from sternum to nipple.
You can cup them in your hands and make them jiggle (yes, that actually feels relaxing to some of us), or tap at them. Or move your hand into the shape of a claw, grasp the breast at the base, and gently pull upward, sliding your fingers along as you go, until you let go at the nipple.
The most important thing here is just to pleasurably move and manipulate the breast tissue in ways that your partner enjoys. Be sure to constantly check in with her as you go.
Get your mouth involved
Here’s where you can take things to a more sexual level, assuming your partner is okay with it. It’s my absolute dream to get a slow, gentle breast massage like what I described above, only to have my lover add his lips and mouth to the mix.
Here, you can mimic all the moves you already made but use your lips instead of your fingers to do the manipulating.
You might try cupping the side of the breast, then working your lips from the center of the chest along the length of the breast to the nipple, while using your hand to press her breast into your mouth, increasing the pressure. In this same position, you can massage her breast by playing with the pressure balance between your mouth, on one side of the breast, and your hand, on the other.
Nibble all around her breasts, while pressing into them with a pressure she enjoys. Lick them, culminating in a gentle, sucking bite. Use that same suction on various places around her breast, maybe even shaking your head slightly back and forth to make her breast tissue jiggle.
Focus on the nipple
I saved this one for last because once someone starts playing with my nipples, I become impatient for penetration, and it’s typically a short walk from nipple play to orgasm. As such, I prefer not to jump too quickly into nipple stimulation. Other women, however, who aren’t as sensitive, might prefer for you to include the nipple for the duration of the massage.
You can start with your fingers, nudging at the nipples, just gently at first. Run your fingertip in circles around the areola, then around the outer edge of the nipples. You can add increasing pressure to this, actually moving the nipple, itself in circles, so long as your partner is comfortable with that kind of intense stimulation.
Don’t forget stroking, pinching, and gentle tugs.
And then…my favorite part…use your mouth. Lick very slowly at them. Ask your partner what she prefers — the tip of your tongue or a wide, flat lick. Every few licks, slurp a nipple into your mouth, and give it a gentle suck.
Once you move into more prolonged sucking, use your hands to gently knead the breast tissue, pulling up slightly as you suck on it. Move your fingers from side to side or just gently press into the area.
Don’t be afraid (if your lover is okay with it) to use your teeth (very gently) on the nipple area. Little nibbles can feel amazing. Or keep the nibbles to hard pinches with your lips. If her nipple is extremely swollen, you can sometimes nibble along its length, which feels amazing.
Try all kinds of different techniques and positions, either having her move, or yourself. Try sucking at a nipple from the side, instead of head-on. Try having her sit above you and catching her dangling nipples in your mouth as you gently stroke downward on her breasts with your hands. Or try having her get on all fours and pinch at her breasts with the knuckles of your forefinger and middle finger, dragging them downward to the nipple, then tug a bit at the nipple.
I hope that this encourages other women to receive this kind of pleasure that we all too often deny ourselves. And I hope it gives men a really good excuse to enjoy their lover’s breasts more often.
I really believe that so much of a woman’s health is dependent on not just her ability to nurture, but to be nurtured, and that if we learn to accept more nurturing energy specifically in this area of the body, from our lovers, we might find ourselves feeling a lot healthier, energized, and loved.